I’m about twenty weeks pregnant. I don’t know if you knew that. I just went to my first doctor’s appointment — a little late in the game, firstly because I don’t like doctor’s appointments and I hate having blood taken, and second because we were out of the country for a month and it took a while for me to get an appointment when we got back.
I am also aware of the presence of another reason I might’ve put things off a little, perhaps lurking below the surface, that many expectant mothers tend to experience. Fear. With a big capital F. While there is a heap of joy and excitement surrounding the news that a new baby will be arriving soon, pregnancy can also be a bit of a scary time. There is so much unknown – who will this child be? What will he or she be like? What if I have a miscarriage? What if I find out the baby has a disability and doctors start pushing opinions on me about what to do? What if my labor is horrible and full of complications?
I might have a little more confidence than the average mother about prenatal decisions, having spent some serious time dedicated to research surrounding prenatal care, genetic disabilities and ethics, but I think I’m also just another gal who hopes the best for her child, and struggles with the possibility that God’s plan is different from mine.
The truth is, like so many aspects of life in general, pregnancy is an out-of-control experience. Outside of embryo selection and in vitro fertilization, there is very little control over the process when it comes to pregnancy. Your body begins to act differently from how it normally would (welcome nausea, heartburn, and other unpleasant side effects) and you have very little control over the outcome. Boy, girl, tall, short, smart, goofy, happy, grumpy, sneezy, bashful, dopey, sleepy, doc… pregnancy is another one of those boxes of chocolates without the useful labels that let you know what you’re gonna get.
At times like this, Jesus’ words make sense to me on a whole new level:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? … But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
{Matthew 6: 25, 33 & 34}
Sometimes I think Jesus specifically had me in mind when he said those words. So many of us struggle with worry, and fear of the unknown. We struggle with the thought that our lives are really not ours to control.
The beautiful whisper of truth inside those words Jesus spoke so long ago is that we can relax in the knowledge that we’re not in control. It’s okay that we’re not in control. It’s okay that I don’t get to decide what the child I’m having is going to be like. It’s okay that you don’t have control over how long you’re going to have the job you have right now or live in the home where you currently reside. None of us are in control, and that’s okay.
God’s promise isn’t that it’s all going to work out the way we want it to, but He does promise that He can work everything together for our good. {Romans 8:28} If we see heartache, we can start looking for redemption. If we see broken, we can start looking for beautiful. That’s the way He operates — and although we may not always have the privilege of understanding the hard stuff that happens in our lives, I believe we can find a peace just knowing that though now we see dimly, then we will see face to face.
God will make sense of disability, disease, death, divorce… so many of the hard things that we sometimes have to deal with in our lives… in His good way and in His good timing. If we can rest in the knowledge that we will know, we might find that the ability to choose not to worry comes a little easier.
